1st it's the Therapy Hangover, then comes Calm Thinking.

After the therapy session comes what I have been calling a “Therapy Hangover”. My talking therapy isn’t just talking, it is really hard work for me and for my amazing, pokerfaced, therapist - sometimes called Sam. I’m using all the courage and strength I can muster to talk about deeply deep stuff that hasn’t seen the light of day for decades. I’m being challenged by what I hear myself saying, learning new skills, remodelling old thought patterns. In the sessions I talk a lot, am silent for long whiles too. I cry, sometimes whisper, twice felt very sick because of what I recalled. I laugh a bit, remember much, reach conclusions and be more open and honest that I have ever been before. I’m given a totally safe space to focus on myself – it’s a liberating experience.

After the session I just sit quietly for at least 10 minutes and think about nothing but breathing, then slowly resurface and connecting with my day.

About an hour after the therapy session the Therapy Hangover takes over...

Symptoms of a Therapy Hangover are a tight head, fuzzy thoughts, heavy body and general exhaustion. Panic is not an official part of a Therapy Hangover, but it does try to blast in and has to be calmed at 1st contact.

This is the time to be very gentle with me. I try not to even think about the content of the therapy session until the evening or, better still, until the next day.

After the therapy hangover comes calm thinking. It can’t be rushed and always arrives. Here I’m listening to what I heard myself saying in the therapy session, putting it into perspective. Looking at it as part of the big picture of my journey. Pausing panic and threat responses. Recognising my need to think differently as the old way has been unsuccessful. Asking myself deep questions and hearing myself answering.

Acting on those answers.

Eg; after this weeks’s session I have both recognized that I have a problem with beer, (Not drinking it, extremely avoiding it.) and can now also understand where this extreme reaction to what is after all just another alcoholic drink came from. Then, with the new strength I gained from facing the music triggers (see my previous blog) I'm making a plan to buy a bottle or two of the brand in question and conquer the beer trigger. During calm thinking I’m allowing other thoughts and stories to emerge and develop. Allowing myself permission to properly remember while also paying attention to flashbacks and gripping memories. My mind is healing and is using these memory stores to get my attention.