Filling the empty chair

Sam: Get thd idea that he is actually in the room with you now. Me: Okaaay ... Sam: Where would he be sitting? Me: Errm, on that chair over there. I told my arms and cautiously look at the empty chair. Sam: What would you like to say to him? Then Sam leads me through the most amazing conversation with that person "The empty chair technique is a talk therapy exercise in which you express your thoughts and feelings as if you were talking to a specific person. Even though that person is not present, you direct your words and gestures at an empty chair and imagine that person sitting in it while you talk." www.betterhelp.com

When it has become clear to Sam that I need to express something to someone who is unavailable to me, he leads me to the empty chair. The first time we used this, I found this technique totally freaky. I couldn't cope with the concept that a dead person, who I had watched being killed, was actually in the room with me and that I could talk directly to him. Sam encouraged to try and see how it felt. He led me through a conversation with the man we named Eric - it was so very powerful. I found the words to express the feelings that I was struggling to overcome. I found and heard Eric's answers as I imagined myself in his position and answered back on behalf of him. At the end of that conversation there was forgiveness. I felt a huge relief and a sense of completion. I was finally able to move on from a terrible incident that had been bothering me for decades. Since then I've more confidently approached empty chair conversations with a variety of absent people. I've been able to safely say what I needed to say but didn't have the opportunity to. I've been able to open up to the other person without fear or shame. My most meaningful empty chair conversation was with younger me. I had the idea that schoolgirl Fi was in the room with me. We talked about incidents, feelings, worries and hopes. Then came forgiveness for missed opportunities. The most powerful part of all of these conversations is what I've learned about me. Of course it is great to be able to express my thoughts and feelings to that absent person. But, more than that, I have understood the person present in the room in so many different ways. I've surprised myself by my depths of feelings, my sadness, anger, frustration, regret. Been delighted by my recognition of the need and benefit of forgiveness. I've taken this technique home with me and I have used it here too.