Talking about my Falklands war experiences has given me the strength and courage to face other terrible incidents in my life. #MeToo It has been beyond what I had previously recognised as hard to sit infront of Sam and remember those long buried violating incidents: Hearing my voice telling the stories over and over again. Giving words to that which has until now been a series of gripping slow-to-recover-from flashbacks, seemingly randomly triggered memories, overwhelming emotions and confused mental pictures. Putting the memories together as individual stories with a beginning and an end. Recording their time, date and duration length. Repeating the stories over and over again. Noticing new details emerging. Looking at what happened in from every angle.
What did I hear? What did I see? What did I smell? What, this was hardest of all, what did I physically feel?
Then, one day, like a spring flower pushing through the frozen dirt, noticing slight changes in the way I'm feeling.
Feeling the heavy, restricting black burden of sadness, shame and pain slowly and at long last lifting - bringing relief beyond what I had previously recognised as possible for me.
I truly thought I was broken beyond repair. That which happened to teenage me could never be mended because it was so long ago and went so painfully deep. That this is how I really am.
Calm-faced Sam repeatedly reassues me that "psychologically speaking: what has been done can be undone " and that "I am stronger than which ails me"
I'm getting the Idea that he is right
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