A few weeks ago I visited a tattoo salon! Tattoos have been a trigger for me for a very long time. They were somehow associated with pain and fear but I wasn't really sure why. I knew it wasn't the physical pain of being tattooed, it was something else about them that made me need to avoid them and feel like running away. Sam's tattoo ... it was in one of our early sessions that I noticed the edge of Sam's tattoo showing below his t-shirt sleeve. Learning opportunity? I already knew that his therapy method was really working for me - for the first time ever. So, I plucked up the courage and told Sam that I was bothered by tattoos, including his and that it was an issue that I wanted to deal with. What did he do? I actually don't remember. But, what I do remember is that his tat wasn't a further problem for me. Not many weeks later, quite by surprise, the whole issue of tattoos came out in a war story I was remembering. Falklands 1982 and 11 year old me saw some badly injured soldiers who also had tattoos. I saw their immense rough, raw pain, saw their delicate tattoo artwork and noticed the incongruity of the two. How could someone with such a beautiful picture inked onto their body be in such agony? Then the realisation came, that's why tattoos made me feel so uncomfortable. I was trying to run away from the injured men because I was frightened by them being in such pain. When I realised this connection, the fear of tattoos was gone. I took myself into a town centre tattoo parlour, explained my situation to the proprietor and was shown around the shop and given a tour of the tattoos on his arms. I was calm, interested and left feeling that I'd visited a very special art gallery. Now, about beer. Beer and beer drinkers had negative associations for me too. I've blogged about this previously. While unpacking some incidents in a therapy session I graphically remembered the smell of beer on the breath of someone who was treating me badly. My brain added two and two together and threw a huge curtain of protection around me causing me to fear beer, beer drinkers and their smell. Beer therapy is a thing! Selecting it Buying it Holding it Opening it Pouring it Smelling it Drinking it Were all very difficult and took a lot of self persuasion. Now, after some work on each stage, I can drink beer and be with beer drinkers with ease.
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