Sam and I have never knowingly been in the same room at the same time. Yet we have met, face to face for hours and hours of therapy. We meet via video call, and it suits me just fine.
With a video call, geography isn't an issue. It means I have been able to get the help I really need even though it isn't available in my town.
It also means that we won't bump into each other in the local pub or supermarket.
Video calls are a part of work and social life. It's the very best way to keep in touch with family and friends at the other side of the world! I'm very comfortable and familiar with the way it all works. For my calls with Sam, our internet connection is usually strong and I'm rarely distracted by glitches.
I've got the physical setup sorted too. I use my laptop. It goes on the coffee table and to get it to just the right height, I perch it on top of a pile of books! For a while I used ear buds with a built in microphone. Trouble with those was I kept getting tangled up during expressive moments! So, I abandoned them in preference of my laptop's own microphone and speaker. Setting up my room is part of my pre-call calming ritual in the middle of a busy week. I usually arrive at my calls very anxious. I know that I'm about to face some nasty, tough stuff and it's obviously on my mind.
I take 15 minutes to sit in my room, drink a cup of camomile tea and breathe. That's another positive about the video call: I can be in the room getting comfortable before the call and can rest there afterwards too. It's my choice of room in the chair I want. The cushion that I sometimes hug during storytelling is right there too. I can drink tea from my own mug - just the way I like it. On my coffee table I setup everything I might need nicely within reach. Notebook and pens, tissues (lots), strong mints (great for grounding) and something to drink. And then, I'm all set! The level of interpersonal connection on a video call works for me too. I feel that I have been able to be much more open about what's going on with me when I'm not physically in the same room as Sam. I've been asked by a friend what happens if I have flashbacks or similar. My response to that is that I treat them in just the same way as I would sitting in that armchair when the camera isn't switched on: Reconise what's happening. Get grounded and calmer. Maybe eat a strong mint. Breathe. I really do need to be left in my own space to have a good cry. In these amazing sessions I've been digging up and working through some big time painful memories. If that was done sitting in a therapist's office, with him sitting just a few metres away, I don't think I would be able to be that free. I'd be trying to hurry up and stop, perhaps not let it show too much for fear of making him feel uncomfortable, before it was all cried out. As it is, Sam sits on his side of the video call, with his calm eyes, and waits for me.
A video call is probably a bit safer for Sam too... During one session I was having an "empty chair conversation" with a particularly awkward person who hurt me immensely. I was very angry with that person and was shouting at him and throwing anything I could find - my cushion, pencil case, mints, an orange at his the empty chair. It's probably safer for Sam if he isn't in the same room as me!
Note: This is said in jest. I'd never throw something at Sam or anyone helping me. Or, at anyone at all - this was my first time and most likely last time for throwing stuff but, if I'm honest, it felt so very good!
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